random thoughts on life and religion

I have a new-found respect for pastors.

Prior to accepting the interim pastorate that I’m currently filling, I’d always been on the receiving end of the pastor’s ministry. Sure, I’d preached a time or two, but generally speaking, I was always basically another member of the congregation, on the receiving end of the senior pastor’s efforts and hard work. I’ll have to admit, there were often times when I wondered what exactly was difficult about a pastor’s job. I saw various pastors “hanging out” at Starbucks or in their homes, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, sipping on their cappuccinos and just chillin’. I thought they were just slacking off, not really working at all.

That’s not how it works, though, is it? In reality, a pastor’s job is tough. In a way, he or she is always working. Unlike most jobs on this earth, a pastor can’t take off his pastor hat when he goes home. It’s always on. He’s always responsible for his people, for his ministry, and for himself. And he’s always thinking, always researching, always evaluating how to do this best, how to help that person, or how to really get this point across correctly.

It’s exhausting, really. My primary and, basically, sole responsibility in this interim pastorate is to preach. I was basically told that all I need to do is show up on Sunday, ready to preach. That’s sounds a lot easier than it is, though. This past Sunday was my first official sermon, and afterward I was tired. I went home and just wanted to crash–and “all” I’d done was preach! Yesterday I didn’t do much at all, just allowing my mind to recover. But today I start on a new sermon–a whole new thought process, a whole new effort. I’m already weary. And it’s only week two!

Don’t get me wrong, I love to preach. Even as it’s exhausting me, it’s also reinvigorating me. Sometimes I cannot believe that I’m where I am. I consider it one of the greatest privileges of my life that God has allowed me to communicate his message to his people.

That’s part of the thing, though. A pastor’s not just saying words. He’s not just teaching something that he thinks. In a way, he’s speaking for God. He’s communicating the word of God. That’s a lot of pressure! For me at least, there are thoughts constantly running through my head–what if what I’m saying is wrong? What if this isn’t God’s word, but my own? What if I relied on my own strength as I wrote this sermon, and what I’m delivering to the people is a far cry from what God would have me say?

And then there’s the questions about my own state. What if I haven’t connected with God correctly this week? What if sin is marring my relationship with God? What if I’m not living what I’m preaching? What if I’m not being authentic before the people I’m trying to exhort to live authentically?

I never realized how big these questions can become for pastors until I walked in their footsteps. I have a new-found respect for the pastors in my life – for my father, my father-in-law, my seminary friends and mentors – because it’s hard work and it’s a lot of responsibility. It requires a lot of prayer, a lot of patience, and a lot of grace. I’m only doing this for a short time, and I don’t even have all the other responsibilities that a typical pastor does – Sunday school, small groups, elder meetings, visitations, etc. I’ve got a lot of admiration now for those who do this week in and week out, men and women who typically do it for little pay and even less thanks. Full-time ministry has to be a calling, because otherwise I don’t think anyone in their right mind would subject themselves to it willingly.

If you see your pastor drinking a mocha at your local Starbucks, don’t sneer and wonder what he’s getting paid for – instead, buy him another cup, he probably could use the caffeine boost.